Sunday, 12. September 2010 16:08

Do you ever feel like you are running after perfection and just like a hamster on a wheel, you feel like you are running around in a circle not really getting anywhere. I feel like this often. I keep trying to catch the elusive moment when everything on the outside is in its proper place, so I can relax on the inside. I have come to realize that this will never happen until I am a little old lady, alone in my personal care home apartment reminiscing about the best years of my life when I had a young family. This is when it will be quiet, too quiet, and everything will be in its place but I think I just might be too lonely to appreciate the irony of what I have wished for and it finally coming true.
Is this the moment I am rushing around like a chicken with my head cut off to achieve, when I finally can sit down in peace and quiet in a job well done but only to have myself to celebrate the moment with? I think that this moment would be called my last breath because it is only when life has ended is the job completed. Maybe the key to happiness is learning to enjoy the process of living while you are actually living. Is this really a possibility?
I always imagine myself as that little old lady, rocking in her rocking chair, giving the younger me sound advice on the life she has lived. I imagine this would include what she might regret and what she wishes she did more of. Or what she might wish she would have been easier on herself for. I sometimes feel her wisdom coming through time as she prays that I will learn the lesson of slowing down sooner in life than she did. When I close me eyes at night after a hard day, I sometimes think I can hear her whisper, “Job well done. Now take a breath and go enjoy your family”.
Namaste
The above print is by the artist Ezshwan Finding.