Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. Mark Twain

If everybody had to pick a quote that sums up who they are in this world, this would be mine. I absolutely love it. For me, there is nothing more that ever needs to be said. If I am not questioning what I have been taught than I am not thinking for myself and if there is one thing that I am grateful for, it is that my education has taught me to think for myself.

Namaste

To dive deep into vulnerability with you, I must go deeper within myself, to the place where only vulnerability exists. I must not only visit for a moment but I must spend time there with myself, to become one with my spirit. It is not unusual to be frightened by such intimacy but in the space where we feel the most vulnerable, is the place where we find the Divine. True intimacy involves having the courage to be vulnerable with oneself.

Namaste

As my fingers brush against yours in the moment before I take a hold of your hand, I am reminded that our souls are always connected. And I reach out my hand to you, so in this moment, you too will remember.

I have realized that in the past the less perfect I felt on the inside, the more I felt like I needed to be perfect on the outside. Most of the time this type of thinking was occurring at the unconscious level. As the realization that I tried to feed my need to belong by trying to be perfect finally came to the surface, it allowed me to look at my flawed thinking from a conscious perspective.

This examination has led me to finally let go of the illusion of perfection. I now often ask myself, by whose definition of perfection was I always trying to live up to. Intuitively I knew it was not my own. Now I try to consciously decide what type of person I want to represent in this world and this type of question allows me to feel centered on the inside. Therefore the need for me to feed my self-esteem by using outside markers of perfection becomes less and less.

The question then becomes, how do I want to feel in my own skin as I move through this lifetime, as opposed to what types of behavior do I need to outwardly engage in to fulfill the culturally accepted standard so I can feel like I belong. If you change the question, you will be pointed in the direction of a different answer, and this is how you change you life.

Namaste

Each time I reduce the amount of the anti-depressant that I am taking, I can feel my body reacting to this reduction by the symptom of increased anxiety. My body then readjusts itself to the new chemical balance and my anxiety subsides. I am nearing the end of my weaning process and for me, I can’t get off of my medication soon enough. It seems hard to intellectualize the reason why, but intuitively being on an antidepressant just doesn’t sit right with me. The option for medication is always on the table, but it is not something that I would choose again without some serious soul-searching.

When I read stats that report that 2/3 of people taking a SSRI (Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, often called SSRIs, are a group of drugs commonly prescribed for depression and anxiety) are women and in the last twenty years the number of women prescribed antidepressants has risen significantly, it makes me wonder who is benefitting from all these women being medicated. I ask myself, what is occurring in our society when in one year in Canada, 15 million prescriptions were dispensed for SSRIs.

Now I am not saying that I don’t suffer from anxiety and somehow I was tricked into going on an antidepressants. What I am asking is, what is going on in the bigger picture that requires so many women to get to the point where they are at their doctor’s offices leaving with a prescription for a drug that is made up of a potent brain chemical. We trust our doctor’s, but are they even aware of the problem or are they just puppets for a larger system? These are the types of questions I am digging the answers for. I will let you know what I find out.

Namaste

When I am struggling with something in life, I have found that the best medicine for me is to find others to relate to. I find great support in not feeling alone. Even if someone may not have walked my exact path but if they are familiar with the lay of the land, a sense of solidarity is created. It is this type of relatability that drew me to the blog Hope Despite Depression.

Christine, the writer, is so honest and personal about her struggles with depression and other mental health issues. It is this personal way of connecting with her readers that makes her blog so engaging. Not only does she write about what she has been and is going through, she also tries to educate her readers, and the power of educating one’s self can not be overestimated. It is hard to find that balance between educating your followers but also keeping it real. Christine does a fantastic job of doing this. Check her out at Hope Despite Depression and I think that if you struggle with anxiety or depression,  you will find someone who can help you navigate the lay of the land.

Namaste

I have your back when the smell of a storm is carried in the wind.

And when numbers try to take away your voice.

I have your back.

There have been many times in my life when it may have looked like I was choosing to do nothing in the face of a difficult situation, but when in reality I just didn’t know what to do. Many of us have felt like this at one time or another. The more you simplify your life, the more you will be able to feel the nudges from your intuition, guiding you so you are better able to see your situation in a new way. Many times a new perspective on a situation that you may be struggling with, lends itself to new ideas for possible solutions. And when you are able to see your life differently, you are much more willing to act differently.  

Namaste

I am now on week three of weaning myself off of my antidepressants. So far, due to the fact that I am weaning myself off very gradually, I feel pretty good. When I went to my doctor to discuss going off my medication, he said I could wean off of them in two weeks. On the advice of a very good friend who is a Chiropractor (who has experience with patients going off of antidepressants) and both my husband and sister (both of whom are pharmacists), I told the doctor I wanted to wean much slower than two weeks. Thankfully, he respected my request.

You might be asking, why would I want to take the weaning process slower than recommended by my doctor. From what I have read, I was surprised to find out that you can have withdrawal symptoms when going off of antidepressants that can mimic the withdrawal symptoms of somebody going off of a substance that they are addicted to. I was never told this. My doctor said that there should be no problems whatsoever, but the moment I looked into other people’s personal experiences with going off my type of medication, not all of these stories were so rosy. I am not saying that everybody has a horrific experience, but I think that we need to be educated on the possibilities so we can better prepare ourselves on what to expect and how to deal with anything that might come up.

I have read that some people are so sensitive to the withdrawal symptoms of going off of antidepressants, that it could take a year or more for them to go off of their medication. So far, knock on wood, in three weeks I have been able to decrease my daily dose of Paxil to half  with no major reactions. Now in no way am I giving you a medical opinion or telling you to go against your doctor’s orders, but I do encourage anyone going to the doctor, to question what you are being told. If something doesn’t sound right to you, ask your healthcare professional for more information and for more options. Due to the fact that weaning off of Paxil in two weeks didn’t feel right for me, my doctor agreed to let me wean at a slower pace because I made it clear to him that I wanted more time to wean. I needed to speak up for myself, so I could get the type of care I felt most comfortable with.  

My brain is now adjusting to the decrease of my medication, just as it had to adjust to the introduction of it. When you are going off of antidepressants, it would be a good time to do all the coping mechanisms for handling anxiety or depression that you have hopefully learnt while you were on the medication. I am finding out that this is where the work really lies. If you know A, B, and C will help you find balance, how do you do those things when you are now off your medication. This is what I am working on, so I will let you know how it goes.

Namaste

If you don’t feel good about yourself, act like you do. Push your shoulders back, and lift up your chin. Walk with the confidence that says you deserve to be here, on this earth. And don’t forget, even when you don’t love yourself, the Divine in you always will.

Namaste